<3
its true…at night is when the monsters come out in your mind and start saying the shittiest things about yourself THESE THINGS ARE NOT TRUE!!!
you have to believe me I know its hard for me too but you need to try you need to see that you are wonderful and worth more than the things that come to mind at night! <3
That’s it! I have had enough!…
do you know why people on tumblr go back into their dark depressed place in their heads? and why we all cant get out of that horrible, sad, painful place in our minds? its because of all the depressing, sad, demoralizing, hurtful things we say about our selves which increased the feelings in our own heads when we see it because we believe its true and its a vicious cycle!!!
so please people try and post something better, happier, brighter I know its hard but try and look at you thoughts and feelings from another perspective? try and see the glass as half full not half empty!
and don’t give up! you are all wonderful and your lives are precious don’t give up!!!
stay strong keep smiling!!! <3
I love you all!!!!!
early years..
If you have seen my first few posts on tumblr you may have seen a few of my crazy story and adventures I have been through…but I have never mentioned the people in my life who hurt me so deep that it has scarred me for life and is affecting me now..
I was a happy child (according to my parents)… I started in a private school from kindergarten to grade 2…I was, according my mom, and still am too nice for my own good I never judge anyone and I can’t stay angry at anyone for more that a day…I genuinely care about people I meet even if I barely know the person..the downfall I guess you could say is I get attached easily and if I lose that person it breaks me and hurts me inside…I know this may sound weird but if I lose someone close or someone close to me hurts me I take it personally and it hurts me physically inside…like it feels like my heart breaks into pieces its that crushing feeling inside that you cant really describe and you can’t really understand unless you have experienced it…
so I had a close friend for a few years we used to play with each other, spend time together and I did consider her my best friend…then one day without warning she just stopped being friends with me and anyone else I tried to make friends with she would come and isolate me from them so at that time I felt lost..I had no one I somehow ended up making friends with people who were in university or just generally older than me and they loved me and even though there was that huge age difference they were much better friends than anyone could ask for.
moving forward this experience I guess hit me hard because it seemed to me and to my parents that I was a shy kid…well I wasn’t I just didn’t want to get hurt again..I didn’t like the fact that she used me and didn’t even think twice when she threw away our friendship..this experience hurt me very much and affected me in the sense that I didn’t reach out to people..I didn’t try and make and keep friendships..I wasn’t outspoken and I basically closed off myself from people because I didn’t want them to know the real me and also I didn’t want to get attached because in my head attachment = pain/hurt/sadness….
this was a big one for me and I realized that this one little act stayed in my mind for the better part of my life and stayed dormant until one day everything went downhill….
I think I feel ready to share my story now…
My life has been full of ups and downs (more recently downs…) but things have changed …I have changed and I feel I am ready to share my story now. I know everyone has their battles and something or another triggers it so over the next few post I will be highlighting the good and the bad and how in the end it has impacted me now…
